Proverbs 18:13 
“To answer before listening— 
that is folly and shame.” (NIV)

“Spouting off before listening to the facts 
is both shameful and foolish.” (NLT)

“Answering before listening 
is both stupid and rude.” (MSG)

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One of my favorite podcasts features a host who generally asks really good questions. On occasion, however, he’ll ask a two-minute question. This is the kind of question that begins with the question, and then explains the question, and then provides background information for the question, and finally gets back to the place where the question is restated, often differently than what it was at the beginning. 

Did you follow that? 

You see the problem. 

My co-workers and I have trained dozens of coaches through the years. We employ coaching in everything we do. We take a coach approach to our work. We find that we get better answers if we ask better questions. We also find that the best answers usually come at the very end of what someone says, not at the beginning. 

That’s why this verse and its rendering in different translations are so important. People tend to hide the full truth until the last thing they say. If we interrupt beforehand, we don’t get to the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. If we interrupt in the middle of a person’s statement because we think we know where they’re going, they may have actually intended to go someplace else, and then neither one of us arrives at the information we needed most. 

I hope this makes sense to you. I hope you’ll take some time today to really listen. Listen deeply. Listen all the way to the end. 

One of the kindest things we can do is to listen deeply. Add to this responding slowly and thoughtfully. 

How do people know you’re listening deeply? One way is to either slowly quote them verbatim or to paraphrase what they say. This often elicits additional information. For example, 

Person A: “I hate it when people don’t do what they say they will do.”

Person B: “Follow-through is very important to you.”

A: “Yes. Don’t tell me you’re going to do something and then not do it. I understand when problems arise, but laziness and foolishness harm not only that person but me as well. Actions have consequences. Inaction also has consequences. I do not like unpleasant consequences.”

Good questions and good responses that elicit additional conversation are much better than me spouting off what I think. 

Dear podcast host, please listen all the way to the end. Keep your questions focused. Let your guest be the expert. Restate important points. Help people process deeply what they are learning.

Deep listening is a gift. It makes people feel appreciated and loved. Elicitation expands appreciation. A conversation where I listen 80% is 100% more effective than waiting to have my say at every possible pause. 

As Proverbs tells us in kinder and gentler language than what I am about to use, it’s never too early to shut up. Therefore, as I prepare to step into this day, I do so having buttoned up my lips and opened up my ears.

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I will listen deeply. 

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Our Father, give me ears to hear what you are saying to me today. Give me a willing and obedient heart to do what you say. Empower me to bless others with the gift of deep listening. Give me the wisdom to stay out of the space between what another person says and what you are saying to them in what we perceive as silence. Thank you for speaking most clearly in those silent moments. Forgive us for filling silence with useless noise. Again, bless us with the self-discipline to grow in the grace of listening. Amen.