Simplistic answers to complex problems merely add to a person’s grief and loss. “I don’t know” is a far less hurtful response to an anguished heart. 

Having the final word is no triumph, especially when it is less than fully true and completely kind. 

Powerful words powerfully spoken are powerfully problematic when they are more about us than our hurting family member or friend. 

Sometimes simple prayers say the most. 

Sometimes simple expressions of tenderness soothe most helpfully. 

Friends don’t treat friends like theological homework. 

Friends don’t overpower friends with creeds and dissertations. 

Friends know when to lean in and when to lean back. They know how and when to apply gentle nudges. They know when and how to pull a person back to where they are best served. They surround the hurting with space to grieve and grace for the need. 

Good friends rightly calibrate how much talk another can bear, and they stop short of that mark. 

Sometimes, the best speeches are written in our hearts and minds and left forever unspoken. 

Presence is preferred to problem solving. Absence is preferred to wearying words that add to a person’s woes. 

Again, in case we missed it, “It’s never too early to shut up.” Also, it’s always the right time to show up and serve without unnecessary speech.

—

I will show up and shut up when a hurting heart needs a friend more than an answer. 

—

Our Father, empower me to discipline my tongue in the presence of hurting people. Bless me with restraint. Teach me the right moves of service. Lead me in when to take my leave. Amen.