Twenty years ago, around 4 a.m., I gazed out the window of the hospital room. The brick buttress on the exterior of the building was all I could see. I wondered if my time was up. 

What would happen to my wife and children? My life insurance would help with financial issues, but it would not solve many for long. Our son would graduate from high school and head to college in a couple of years, and our daughter would follow a few years later. 

Who would give them guidance in the transitions they were facing? Who would show them the way? Who would protect and defend them? Who would seek their highest and best day by day?

You get the picture. 

Like this ancient poet, I poured out my prayer to God. I would love to report that he overwhelmed me with his presence and my room became a sanctuary. That didn’t happen. Instead, I lay in a sterile environment, sleepless and helpless, ignored by the staff who came and went only because they had to. 

C. S. Lewis writes that sometimes God withdraws from our perception in tough times. He does so not to abandon us, which he will never do, but to help us better understand our need and his provision. Moments like these help us see the depth, or lack, of our relationship with him. We see how much we trust him. We begin to understand better how much we need to grow in our walk with him.

Verse 18 in this psalm makes it feel like it was written just for me:

This will be written for a later generation, and a people who have not yet been created will praise the Lord:

Before I ever knew I needed it, God had tucked away this song of lament and faith so that I could find the right time and situation. 

That’s just like God, isn’t it? He knows what we need in our darkest valleys generations before we are born. He meets us there, provides for us there, and leads through that darkness into the brilliant light of his presence. 

If you feel a little alone today, if you face a dread disease, if life is harder right now than you ever conceived it could be, know that God has not abandoned you. He is with you. He has prepared the way before you. He will accompany you on every step. He will guide you in the way you should go. He will be with you now and forever. 

He even provided this song three thousand years ago to speak comfort and peace to your wondering heart today. He turned someone’s prayer into words of instruction and hope for you. 

Twenty years ago, I wondered if it was over. Today, I can confidently declare that the last twenty years have been the best years of my life. Dark nights don’t last. Joy comes in the morning. It may take a while, but it is coming, and it will b brilliant!

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I will wonder, ponder, and wait for the brilliance that will most assuredly arrive at the end of this dark night of the soul.

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Our Father, thank you that this life ends in your brilliant light for all who know you and love you. You stretch us in our dark nights to increase our capacity for your wonderful provision. Thank you for anticipating our needs and providing for them by your grace and for your glory. Amen.